Marty Sloan – Living the Dream

Perfect Family Series Part 1

“Dating to marriage”

Mr. and Mrs. Right

10 18 09 HT AM

Proverbs 18:22 LB

We kick a new series called the perfect family – clearly none of us are part of or have even seen the perfect family, yet amazingly it seems that everyone thinks they must be perfect! That is what I call irony! This morning we ask the question how can I find Mr. or Mrs. Right?

I want to preface this series by establishing that the Church / Christianity must run on two separate tracks when it comes to items such as this. Given the brokenness of our culture and families at large preaching about how things should be can create a separation within the body of Christ and even community. As your pastor this is how I approach subjects such as today. I approach with two tracks of Biblical truth in mind.

Two tracks of Biblical Truth:

1. Declaring the right direction/correction

2 Timothy 4:1 LB

And so I solemnly urge you before God and before Christ Jesus—who will someday, judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom—

2 Timothy 4:2

to preach the Word of God urgently at all times, whenever you get the chance, in season and out, when it is convenient and when it is not. Correct and rebuke your people when they need it, encourage them to do right, and all the time be feeding them patiently with God’s Word.

2. Dealing with the brokenness of the/ restoration

Matthew 4:23 LB

Jesus traveled all through Galilee teaching in the Jewish synagogues, everywhere preaching the Good News about the Kingdom of Heaven. And he healed every kind of sickness and disease.

Matthew 4:24

The report of his miracles spread far beyond the borders of Galilee so that sick folk were soon coming to be healed from as far away as Syria. And whatever their illness and pain, or if they were possessed by demons, or were insane, or paralyzed—he healed them all.

Our theme title is a bit tongue in cheek!  It’s a fact that the “perfect family” does not exist.  My own mother put my brother and I both on notice the day she told us both that we were a dysfunctional family and to go ahead and seek counseling ☺, clearly he received the worst of it ☺ ahum… seriously – I believe it’s our delusion with perfection that hinders our pursuit on an individual basis of even the smallest steps of improvement and betterment in our lives.

Today we kick off this series by looking closely at the issue of dating and the overall cultural view on this issue.

Proverbs 18:22 LB

The man who finds a wife finds a good thing; she is a blessing to him from the Lord.

Lets talk about the finding phase! The finding phase is an important one, for you typically find what you are looking for. Many folks today search aimlessly for relationship hoping the outcome of poor partnerships will lead to a prosperous life!  Today, if you are single, it is VERY IMPORTANT who you date – If you are married it is VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU STILL DATE….. The one you married of course ☺ !

After years of marriage counseling/ coaching, having conducted over 600 marriage classes, retreats, seminars and literally thousands of hours with spouses sitting in my office I have concluded most people simply do NOT understand what it means or how to be married/ and that often dating has hindered their marriage.

With the countless hours of married life interaction with other couples having been observed, I have drafted a parody based on my interactions.  I am calling it 7 reasons NOT to get married.  One of the great misconceptions that I see time after time in my office is a person’s belief that had they NOT married they would not have their current problem.  This belief is only to be further outdone by the belief that they married the wrong person. So for all the unmarried’s here is a bit of fun for you!

7 Reasons not to get married!

1. You will never have to see another persons view

2. You will never have to say I am sorry, I was wrong or I messed up

3. You will never have to take time out of your life for someone else

4. You will never have to be selfless

5. You will never have to understand the opposite sex

6. You will never have the pressure of “obligation”

7. You will never have to choose to meet an expectation

Keys to success in finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

1. Seeking vs. Selecting (do not let the seeking confuse the selection)

Selecting Mr. or Mrs. Right

• Common faith

Deuteronomy 17:17 NLT The king must not take many wives for himself, because they will turn his heart away from the LORD.

I have just never thought that evangelism through dating was a good plan for either side!

• Character counts (don’t marry a “character”– find one with character)

Many things that draw in the dating stage are temporary i.e.: waistlines, hairlines, credit lines etc. When the belt is bumping a few extra notches, when the bills are running tight and Rogaine has declined you – the core of that person will either be your safety or your nightmare!

2. Finding vs. Becoming  (Often in our pursuit to find the right person we overlook our needs to become the right person.)

Become the right spouse:

• Understand Divinely appointed roles

Ephesians 5:22 -25 NKJV Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her

Men are men and women are women and that is OK!

Example – I am often asked to retrieve something in retail store from the top shelf for another more vertically challenged person – “I think next time I will look at them and say – “we are really equal – happy jumping” ☺!

• Understand the difference in obtaining vs. creating

The dating arena is fueled by self-centered decisions this is NOT a criticism it’s a reality! That’s part of the normal cycle and selection process.  Dating is like driving a new car off the lot – marriage is like buying a garage with all the car parts in it, and you put it together ☺ – by the way do not forget how fast a new car depreciates ☺

2. Covenant vs. Cohabitating

• God’s way is Covenant relationship

1 Corinthians 7:10 NKJV

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.

Gods plan is covenant for life – (remember this when you are making a selection!)

• Man’s way is Cohabitation experiment

Proverbs 14:12 NKJV There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.

• Cohabitation is a cultural crisis

A study, carried out by researchers from the University of Denver, also found that couples who lived together before marrying reported lower marriage satisfaction. More than 70 percent of couples in the US live together before marrying, according to the article. Yet the researchers “have found evidence that cohabiting before engagement, even only with one’s future spouse, is associated with lower marital quality and higher divorce potential”(83%).

People will often say the “Bible does not say you cannot live together” The Bible does not say a lot of this – example there is no verse that says do NOT lick a frozen metal surface ☺ but common sense and seeing a few folks crying should speak volumes!

Three reasons NOT to cohabitate:

1. Temptation

Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

I Thessalonians 5:22 NLT Stay away from every kind of evil.

Some that say – “ we are just roommates, just sharing the bills, we have separate rooms and nothing is happening – If that is indeed that case, you need more prayer than originally thought – you may already be dead ☺

2. Testimony

1 Thessalonians 1:8 MSG

The word has gotten around. Your lives are echoing the Master’s Word, not only in the provinces but all over the place. The news of your faith in God is out. We don’t even have to say anything anymore—you’re the message!

The principle in this verse is simple – YOUR LIFE SPEAKS! Creating this cohabitation tells everyone around that you do NOT value Gods honorable creation of marriage!

3. Trivialization

Hebrews 13:4 NIV Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Living together trivializes marriage by taking away from the uniqueness of marriage. Living together pretends to be marriage, but it is not the same thing. I think it’s sad when a couple who lives together and finally gets married says, “It’s not that different.” This is a cultural crises – we have trivialized the sacredness of the most significant union on earth

Where is your life today?  You may need direction or you may need restoration.  Gods Word can heal you of your past and hold you toward your future!

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